


This Shit Is Weird: A Class Representative Lavellan Story

by BeesInYourBreeches



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst and Humor, Awkward Cullen, Multi, Sera Being Sera, Solas is an Egg, Zevran Arainai Flirts, whole squad's here
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-18
Updated: 2017-11-27
Packaged: 2018-11-15 11:12:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11229759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeesInYourBreeches/pseuds/BeesInYourBreeches
Summary: Somebody wrote Irisa Lavellan in as a candidate for class rep...and she won. She's going to murder whoever did it (or probably just let Sera prank the hell out of them). Meanwhile, Solas is the worst boyfriend ever.Just another Dragon Age College AU. All main characters show up at some point.





	1. In Which Irisa Lavellan Accidentally Becomes Class Rep

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic here, so I guess I'm starting off with a bang (not an Anders level bang, though, probably).  
> The uni setting here is based off of my own uni experience at a little liberal arts school, so it may or may not be relatable if you're in college as well. I also have no idea how typical school politics work, so critique away.

Irisa Lavellan never asked to become class representative. In fact, she never even put her name down on the form. She had narrowed down her list of probable culprits to four of her friends, but all of them had vehemently denied writing her down on the candidate form. Whoever it was, though, she was going to fucking murder them (or more likely just tell Sera and let her settle the matter with a nasty prank). As it was, she was stuck here in a stuffy conference room full of stuffy people who obviously didn’t care one whit for the school and had only applied for their positions out of desire for a nice looking addition to their resumes. In fact, Irisa was starting to think her asshole housemates had had some semblance of a good idea writing her down as a candidate because so far she was the only person to bring up suggestions for the school that might make some actual impact. I must be losing my brain, she thought, how long was this meeting supposed to be? An hour? It’s already 8pm and Roderick is showing no signs of shutting the hell up. 

“Obviously our class representative agrees, as she has made no statement otherwise thus far.” Roderick said in his usual pompous tone, finally knocking Lavellan out of her daydreaming. 

“Actually, I have no idea what your talking about at this point because you abandoned the original question about a half an hour ago and have been talking about the Skyhold Andrastian Fellowship’s budget ever since. I felt, as an elf and a non-Andrastian, that I should leave that discussion to those of you more qualified and in all honestly would prefer if I could leave soon, as I’ve got a paper to write this evening.” Lavellan replied. That should pacify him for a little while, she thought. As she looked around the room, she saw the other board members glancing not-so-subtly at the student affairs chair for her permission to leave. 

“I think we have indeed exhausted all reasonable conversation we will be able to make tonight, so yes, you all may leave.” Justinia said at last, “I will send you all an email with our next meeting time by tomorrow night. Please accept the event notice or send me your conflicts as soon as possible. I would like to get this new council to a smooth-running state before the end of the term.” At this point, Justinia made a small, disapproving nod toward Roderick and Irisa before standing and gathering her papers. The rest of the room quickly followed suit. 

“Oh fuck!” Irisa exclaimed a moment later as the person to her left knocked an empty ink cartridge onto her arm. 

“Sorry! Sorry. I’ll, um, I’ll go find a towel?” the girl sputtered as she ran off to the nearest bathroom. Just the way I wanted to end an already awful night. Whoever signed me up for this is going to get an inky left hook to the face. Irisa decided to forgo waiting on the girl to return over getting back to her dorm as quickly as possible. 

******

“What the bloody fuck happened to you?” Sera asked as Irisa slammed the front door behind herself and flopped onto the closest chair in the lounge.  
“Nothing I signed up for. Have you seen Solas?”  
“Egghead? Oh, he’s in the library I think. Probably scaring some freshman with boring shite from that History of Elfy Nonsense class he’s TA’ing this term. Pompous bastard.” Sera replied without looking up from her sketchbook.  
“Thanks. I’ll just text him.” Irisa grumbled as she pulled out her phone with her cleaner hand and lugged her tired body up the stairs. 

Irisa- Meeting was hell. Come to the dorm soon. Probably going to pass out soon out of sheer exasperation.

Vhenan- That bad? 

Irisa- Roderick is head of student clubs and organizations. What do you think? 

Vhenan- Give me 20min

Irisa- Wake me up when you get here

It was nearly 45 minutes until Solas actually showed up and Irisa, somehow, was not asleep.  
“I was expecting you to need a bit more effort in order to get you to a conversing state of coherence.” Solas said as he entered Irisa and Sera’s shared dorm room, quietly taking a seat on their beanbag. 

“Mmmph. Too much on my mind. I seem to be the only one on the board that gives two shit about the student body. Still mad at whoever signed me up for this, though.” Lavellan replied groggily. Solas looked sheepishly at the floor. Irisa’s blinked at her boyfriend for a few beats before her eyes widened in realization and she quickly moved to loom over where he sat.

“Wait…It was YOU? You…you fucking DICK! Do you ever think about what I think at all? Even a little?” 

“Please, Vhenan, I believe you already spoke of the very reason I did this. It’s for everyone’s benefit.” 

“Everyone’s—EVERYONE’S BENEFIT!? Did you not consider our relationship? Did you not consider my already waning trust in you? I…I can’t believe you. Sera was right. You are a pompous, selfish bastard.” Irisa roared as she paced the short length of her dorm room. 

“Vhenan—“ 

“Irisa.”

“Irisa…I am sorry. I stand by my decision. I hope you shall see my reason soon.” 

Irisa turned to glare at her boyfriend turned traitor. “Get. Out…Just get out. Don’t try to speak with me in the morning. If I ever forgive you—and that is if I ever forgive you—I will tell you. Don’t expect this to work out.” 

Solas nodded and left the room as silently as he had entered. 

“That’s rough buddy.” Came a familiar voice from the lofted bed in the corner. Irisa jumped. 

“What the FUCK Sera? How long have you been up here?” 

“Good evening to you too cranky pants.”


	2. In Which Varric Is Confused

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> News of Lavellan's breakup starts to spread. Varric deals with some complicated feels.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay rarepairs! Garrett and Marian are both purple in this fic, FYI. Also, Leliana's mysterious fiancé is the Warden. You'll see more of all of them later. Neither this chapter nor the previous have been beta'd, so sorry for any errors. I'll be editing this later.

News spread of Lavellan’s breakup-not-breakup with Solas unusually fast. Varric would know. He knew all the school gossip almost as fast as Leliana. That woman was a mystery. Almost as much of a mystery as her graduate fiancé.  
As for Varric, he had heard this particular story from a very reliable source: the very woman’s own roommate, a first hand witness to the entire event. Now, a whole half a day later, Varric was doing his civil duty of sharing the news with his entire geology 200 class.  
The process was stalled at the moment, however, as he was captivated by a certain Hawke twin who was currently in the back row of the lab stuffing chunks of granite in his mouth and starting to look like a very hairy chipmunk. The professor luckily had yet to notice the man’s shenanigans, but the seats surrounding Garrett were fast dissolving into fits of stifled snickers. 

“Pssst…Hawke…HAWKE!” Varric whispered with increasing volume, “abort mission. Valta on the move.” 

“Mmmph! Ot it ‘Arric!” Garrett mumbled as he struggled to remove the chunks of rock from his mouth. By the time Valta had paced her way over to their end of the lab he was sitting perfectly straight with a huge, shit-eating grin on his face. Valta raised an eyebrow, but continued on with her lecture. 

“Nailed it.” Hawke whispered in Varric’s ear. The hair on the back of Varric’s neck raised at the warm whisper from behind his back. Damn that Garrett and his smooth, baritone voice. Varric was already trying his damndest to win over Bianca, he didn’t need another awkward friend-crush. Not now! 

“Wicked grace tonight? Bela just asked.” Hawke whispered again. Varric nodded numbly, still to frozen and red in the face to dare turning to face his friend. He needed to sort things out with Bianca. Yes, that was what he would do. He would meet her in the science hall lobby after they both got out of their current classes and he would finally get a solid answer out of her. 

********

Bianca was already sitting at one of the tables in the lobby when Varric walked out of geology class, chemistry book open and laptop in her lap.  
“Hey, Bianca! Riveted by solutes I see?” Varric asked awkwardly, his usual silver tongue nowhere to be found. 

“As far as you’ll ever understand? Sure. What’s up? You’re nearly as good at starting conversations as Cullen right now.” Bianca replied with a smirk. 

“I…Well…” Varric sighed, “I need you to answer me truthfully here, Bianca. Are we…is there anything between us? I can’t keep holding onto this flirting and going nowhere thing we’ve got right now.” 

Bianca closed her chemistry book and dropped her playful smirk. “Varric, this is me trying to move on. Have you stopped and listened to how I talk to other men? I flirt. I make jokes. It’s how I interact with people. We were done ages ago. Please, just…just let it go. If I’m confusing you or hurting you too much, we can take a break from talking for a while, but this,” Bianca motioned between the two of them, “this is nothing more than friendly conversation for me.” 

Varric nodded and looked to the floor. “Got it. Thanks, B. Sorry I’ve been so dense.” 

“No problem. I’ve been there myself a time or two. Glad you came to talk about it at least instead of writing some sappy poetry or another steamy fanfic about it.” Bianca laughed. 

“I—wait, you found my fanfiction?!” Varric exclaimed, blanching a bit. “Oh sweet maker.” 

“Oh please, Varric, you’re not that clever. I could recognize your writing from the Anderfels. 

“Well…shit. I’ll be in my room erasing my internet history if you need me.” 

Bianca laughed. Varric let the tension he hadn’t yet noticed in his shoulders relax as he left the science hall. Now he only had the fact that he’d caught feelings for his closest platonic friend to deal with. No biggie.


	3. In Which Zevran Loses his Shirt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marian is just trying to do her homework, guys. Let her study in peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At long last, I update!   
> Sorry for the wait. I work as a writer, so I've been kinda tired of writing by the end of the day and had no motivation to write for fun.  
> This is turning out to be a slower burn fic than I expected, so bear with me.

Marian was sitting in the lounge of Haven Hall when Varric shuffled through the door in a decidedly un-Varricy way. Where was that roguish confidence and swagger?

“Rough class?” she asked without looking up from her laptop. Varric _flinched_. “Or…plotting something sneaky and mischievous that I should know about?”

“Unfortunately, this isn’t something I can talk about yet.” Varric sighed. Marian raised an eyebrow.

“Alright, despite my burning curiosity, I’ll leave you be…for now. You coming to wicked grace tonight? My little brother asked.” She replied giving the dwarf an unsubtle wink. She had seen how he acted around her twin. She’d been trying to set the two of them up for months, but it seemed dwarven observation skills were just as dense as the rest of them.

“Which little brother would this be?” aaand there it was. Completely oblivious.

“You know, tall, hairy, clearly the inferior twin?” Marian smirked.

“Ah. Got it. He asked me in class. Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Varric replied as he attempted to slip out of the lounge with a smooth backward strut and some finger gun flair. Well, smooth until he ran backwards into a half-clothed elf.

“Good evening, Varric. I must say, that was by far the worst attempt at grinding I have had the pleasure to experience, but I will give you a chance to redeem yourself if you wish.” The man said with a sly grin. Marian rolled her eyes.

“Zevran, we’ve talked about this. Where is your shirt?”

“Unfortunately, in the process of washing my clothing I seem to have left no shirts out to wear while the rest are washing. I assure you I will not make this mistake again.” Zevran replied with mock sorrow.

“Uh-huh…yeah. That’s a creative one, I’ll give you that, but does your roommate have no clean shirts as well? I know for a fact that Alistair’s shirts would fit that bony ribcage of yours. Plus, as RLA I am sure he would be willing to save the pure and impressionable eyes of housemates such as, oh, I don’t know, Merrill, by lending you a shirt.”

Zevran gasped and clutched his chest. “Bony! You wound me lady Hawke.”

“Don’t change the topic, Zev. I know what you’re doing.” Marian scowled over her laptop screen. “Go put on a shirt before Alistair gets back and bans you from the lounge again. Plus, you’ll have plenty of excuse to shed your clothing when you lose to me at wicked grace tonight.”

“Very well, Marian. I shall blind you with my incomparable beauty no longer.” Zev replied with a wink. Marian snorted.

“Sure. Because I’m so attracted to flat, manly chests. I would not wish to offend my lovely girlfriend be eyeing your scrawny body in the lounge of all places…hey, where did Varric go?” Zevran looked around the room and shrugged.

“I believe I was distraction enough for the skittish man to flee. I apologize for ending your torment.”

At this moment very, the front door slammed open to reveal a fuming Lavellan. “Have you seen my bo—seen Solas?” she asked.

“I’m not sure if you have noticed, but he does not actually live here.” Zevran replied unfazed.

“Not the time, Zev. Have you seen him or not? I need to break some limbs, like, now.”

“I haven’t seen him, but I do have an idea if you are willing to hold off on the mutilation for, say, four more hours?” Marian suggested from her place in the corner of the lounge.

“I’m listening.”

“He’s quite competitive at wicked grace, yeah? Well, we’re playing a game this evening…with Josie…and Bela—“

“And yours truly.” Zevran interjected.

“—Zev, you’re already missing your shirt.”

“You do have a point.”

“Anyway, back to my plan. So we invite baldy to a game of wicked grace. I will conveniently leave out the fact that our ladies of assured defeat and yourself will be present. He shows up, he’s mildly pissed I failed to mention your presence, but then I will pull the good old Hawke twin peer pressure and dare him to play. He wouldn’t dare show fear. He is, after all, _soooo_ intelligent.” Marian said sarcastically, “So he plays, he loses his clothes, his shame becomes the talk of the campus for at least a week. There. What do you think?”

Irisa paused in thought before smirking evilly. “Marian, I owe you so much. You’re a fucking genius.”

“I think a nice bottle of that Tevinter wine you have stashed would be payment enough.” Marian replied.

“Done. You like the sweeter stuff, right?” Irisa asked.

“Yeah. I’m gonna drink this stuff with Merrill anyway and she thinks Franzia is bitter, so sweet would be good.”

“Got it. I’ll see what I can do.” Irisa agreed before taking her leave of the lounge.

“Andraste’s pillowy bosoms, Zevran, _go put a damn shirt on!_ ” Marian shouted as she slammed her laptop closed and stood. Zevran raised his hands in defense.

“Alright! Alright, no need to get angry. My laundry is probably done now anyway.”


	4. In Which Josie Loses at Wicked Grace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I live!   
> Sorry for the long wait. College is hard and I was doing a lot of English major related writing. It's good to be back writing stuff I enjoy! 
> 
> Anyway, I plan to post a few more chapters of this fic before I head back in January. 
> 
> Oh, and the next chapter is the sex. Just FYI.

Uproarious laughter could be heard from the front door when Lavellan walked into Theta Psi, Skyhold’s most popular frat. For some reason, the Theta’s were usually referred to as the Grey Wardens or just Wardens. There were a lot of rumors as to how the nickname came to be, the most popular being that they were the first frat to openly accept Qunari members. Other rumors ranged from “their letters were usually grey and they were known for rescuing freshmen from Templar parties that got out of hand” to flat out ridiculous ones like “they’ve been hiding a griffin named Ward in the basement for over fifty years.” Whatever the reasoning behind their nickname, Theta Psi was one of the safest frats to hang out in and Irisa’s friends often went there for their weekend games of wicked grace with the welcome of Alistair, Anders and/or Blackwall. As usual, it sounded like the crew had gathered in the basement. 

“-And then he said ‘why would I want a new staff grip?’ Seriously! I swear, the man’s skull was as thick as his—Ah, Irisa! Come join the fun!” Isabela bellowed from the center of the room. She was already clearly drunk and not half the party had shown up yet. Typical. Irisa took the seat nearest Marian and (barely) caught a bottle of ale as Varric tossed it at her. 

“Careful there, that’s a nice Fereldan ale.” He commented as Irisa fumbled with the bottle. 

“Tch. You say that like there is such a thing.” Fenris responded from a shady spot in the corner of the room. Irisa jolted a little at this, as she hadn’t realized he had arrived yet. 

“Aw, drink your Vinty blood magic, Broody.” Varric replied. 

During the span of their banter, most of the expected crew had shown up for wicked grace and the room was starting to fill. Irisa scanned the heads, but didn’t see any lacking hair. She gave Marian a look of confusion, which was returned with a shrug. 

“So, um…when do we plan to start?” Cullen asked from across the table. 

“Whenever you’re ready, sweetheart.” Bela responded with a wink. Cullen looked like he’d rather melt into to wood of his chair. 

“I’ll deal.” Garrett said, grabbing the deck from the center of the table. 

**********

By the time the basement door creaked open to reveal Solas in all his frumpy glory, half the party was lost to too much “nice” Fereldan ale or…other pursuits. The remaining crew was composed of Josephine (currently winning), Zevran (currently naked), Cullen (also naked), Iron Bull (pants on each horn), Varric, Garrett and Irisa. Irisa locked eyes with Solas for a moment but received not even the slightest hint of a reaction. This was going to be tough. Where had Marian gone again? 

“I see I’ve already missed most of the debauchery” Solas said with the most annoying smirk on his face. How had Irisa never been annoyed by that before? 

“Ah, another fine man joins us. Come, sit, I believe you already hold quite the advantage over me, but alas, it will not last long.” Zevran said from where he leaned on a very red Cullen. 

“We shall see.” Was Solas’ reply as he sat. “Deal me in.” 

Wait, he wanted to play? Andraste’s ass, this wasn’t looking good. On top of all the calm superiority oozing from Solas’ pasty skin, he also refused to acknowledge Irisa’s existence. Where was Marian? 

**********

Marian returned roughly an hour later, giggly Merrill and smug Isabela in tow. Her grin was quickly erased, however, as she took in the scene before her. At the table sat Irisa (fuming), Zevran (on Cullen’s lap), Cullen (extremely red), Bull (pants long gone), Josie (naked), and Solas (fully clothed and perfectly composed. What the hell? 

Irisa glared at Marian and it took her a few moments to realize she had said the last question aloud. 

“I believe I have won this round.” Solas said. 

“It…seems you have. Well played.” Josie replied with a look of poorly contained shock. Irisa stood abruptly and left the room. 

“Shit.” Marian murmured under her breath. “Merrill, I need to go check on her. Don’t…let anybody die or anything while I’m gone, okay? Looks like we’re fresh out of mom friends. Oh, and let me know if you find my brother. He isn’t answering my texts.” 

“Of course! Let me know if Irisa needs anything. I can always make tea. Or find a movie, though I guess that would cost money. I don’t really have much money right now, but I could make tea!” Merrill replied, giving Hawke a quick peck on the lips. 

“Thanks. Be right back!” 

Marian rushed out of the frat and jogged as fast as her dizzy body allowed toward the silver haired elf fast disappearing into the night.


End file.
